Home Alone: Color Coding Gender
When Snuggle Biscuit and I were preparing for Turtle Biscuit’s arrival we agreed that we would not lavish her in pink surroundings. Neither of us believed that pink should automatically equate to girl, and we knew more than likely that most of her gifts from friends and family would feature some sort of pink. Moreover, as a person who’s read ample feminist and gender studies scholarship I knew a thing or two about the ways that gender was color coded in society and therefore didn’t want Turtle Biscuit to feel boxed in.
What I wasn’t prepared for however is the language that accompanies this color coding. For example, Turtle Biscuit has an assortment of caps, most of which are pink, and two are gray. Whenever she wears the pink hats everyone quickly deduces she’s a girl. But whenever she has a gray hat on, people are either very cautious about using any gender pronouns, or they automatically presume she’s a boy. An innocent enough mistake, but what strikes me is the difference in compliments that Turtle Biscuit the boy receives as compared to Turtle Biscuit the girl.
When she’s mistaken for a boy people comment on her size, her likelihood to get her dad’s height, and will often make a joke about her being mischievous. When’s she’s presumed to be a girl, it’s always a series of comments about her beauty, her calm demeanor, and her hair.
No one ever says she’s big and hairy, instead she’s beautiful and has a full head of hair.
No one ever says she’s beautiful and tall, instead it’s that she’s big and and will likely get her dad’s size.
I am sometimes amazed listening to person having mistaken her for a boy, devise a whole male identity for her.
What’s striking is that this is what happens to a three month old who only cares about her sleep and her feedings. I can only imagine what the conversations will be like as she gets older, and when Snuggle Biscuit or I aren’t around to correct people or to make them second guess their assumptions.
Going into this journey I knew that the optics and language of gender roles was infinitely complex, three months in, I’m realizing that this gray area was deeper even I expected.
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