Of all fatherhood cliches the one that I thought that I’d surely be immune from was animosity felt toward teenage boys. After all, I’m co-parenting a teenage boy and worked with countless others as a teacher and mentor. But as soon as the nurse let me hold Turtle Biscuit for the first time that fateful day in December an anti-teenage-boy hormone seemed to start mutating within me. I realized that this had fully taken over my brain when while Snuggle Biscuit and I were at the local diner one night getting some dessert and I spotted a teenage couple having
(a too-damn late for my tastes) dinner in the booth across from us.
At first the boy seemed like a very nice young man–dare I say–someone I might even be proud to call a son. Then, he did something that I will never forget, and right then and there I realized that Teenage Boys were indeed the Anti-Christ, and I in effect became a stereotypical dad with a daughter. What sin did this young man commit you ask? I shudder to relive the horror, but for you dear reader I will. The young man looked her straight in the eye and said something that made the young lady smile.
Yes, I know. The horror…..
This realization about teenage boys is only one of many things that I thought I’d never do as a parent that are starting to come to bear. Here is an abbreviated top-3 because this list is growing by the day:
- Never thought I would become my parents. But in short order my parenting style is rapidly developing into a zany blend of Claudette and Francy Lafargue tastes, habits, and sayings. All of which I vowed as a kid to never torment my own children with…well that was a short-lived vow.
- I say “when I was your age.” I still can’t believe that I do this…
- Stockpile snacks/Hide snacks. It always confused me as a child why my mother would keep a stockpile of snacks while simultaneously proceeding as if these snacks were hidden and out of my reach. Yet, whenever Snuggle Biscuit and I come back from grocery shopping, what’s the first thing that I do? I put half of them out and the other half in secret spots throughout the kitchen. You could imagine my embarrassment a few weeks back when I noticed 7-year old biscuit pulling over a chair so he could retrieve some oreos in one of the hiding spots in the cabinets above the sink.