If I were an anthropologists my area of study would undoubtedly be teenagers. Having lived with one for a little over a year now I am amazed by how fascinating the teenage species is. And while I bear some recollection of once being a teenager myself, I fear that my existence pales in comparison to that of my esteemed subject and co-habitant Teen Biscuit.
Of late, I have been mesmerized by the advanced logic of Teen Biscuit and his peers.
Case in point, on New Year’s Eve Teen Biscuit returned home sans his keys, which meant that I had to get out of bed and open the door for him. When Snuggle Biscuit woke up the next morning, she told me that Teen Biscuit had sent a text around 12am letting us know that he had been relieved of his jacket while at this party.
When Teen Biscuit woke up later that morning to give us the full details of his encounter we learned that he was not actually
relieved jacked of his possessions, he in fact left them at the party. To be clear he left his coat which for some reason was bearing his keys, his wallet and his cell phone at the party.
To his credit, he did return after the party was over to search for it, only to discover someone had taken it home.
(Paraphrasing my former pastor, let me lean in a little closer here, the biscuit walked into a party, stuffed all his possessions in his coat, threw it in a room and went his merry way.)
Prior to my tenure co-habitating with a teenager I’d have thought it was impossible for someone to commit such an act. Now a year into this ethnographic study, I realize it is actually consistent with teenage behavior/logic.
You see according to Teen Biscuit, the act of putting all of one’s possessions in an item that was out of eyesight and then forgetting said item was not a flagrant offense. The offense was that someone had the audacity to take this item when there was no one left to claim it.
And you know what…he’s absolutely right, #sortofkindanot.