Home Alone: There’s A Reason They Don’t Make “Greatest Deadbeat Dad T-shirts”

While putting away Turtle Biscuit’s laundry last week I couldn’t help but notice how many tops she had that were emblazoned with some variation of “I Love My Dad” or “My Dad Rocks.”  Most, if any, of these tops weren’t purchased by me.  They were all gifts from Turtle Biscuit’s various aunties.

As I looked at these shirts in her drawer I couldn’t help but wonder, “what do deadbeat dads do?”

It’s a strange and admittedly awkward question but one that I couldn’t let go for the rest of that afternoon.

When I look back at these past four months I can’t ever recall being praised, encouraged and received so much support for something that seems so natural.  Friends, family members, even the guys at the gym have an utmost respect for the sanctity of fatherhood.  If a guy is leaving the basketball courts to go to work, church or even tend to his wife, the rest of the guys will not pass up an opportunity to crack a joke at his expense, especially if he’s leaving to go hang out with his wife.  But when I say I’m going to take the boys to school or to take care of Turtle Biscuit, not a peep.  There are never any jokes.

Think about all the teasing we give people who work hard, or that high achieving students get in schools.  Shoot, if I had a dollar for every time I was called a nerd, or defended myself against such allegations, Turtle Biscuit would have a fully-endowed college fund.

But now I simply change a diaper and it’s as if I’ve made a medical breakthrough.  For sure part of this are the low expectations that many have of a man’s potential to be a caregiver.  That said, the fact is we simply live in a society that adores fathers and fatherhood.

Which goes back to my question, what do deadbeat dads do?

It’s one thing to be a poor student because retailers aren’t pumping out “I got straight A’s” t-shirts.  But if you’re a deadbeat dad you’re living in a world that dotes and showers with love and appreciation everything that you are not.  How does a person exist within that setting.

Thinking about this question brought me back to this Chris Rock skit where he lambasts men who say “I take care of my kids”.  I always thought that Rock was spot on this bit, but four months into this fatherhood project, I’m learning exactly how right he was. (oh, and since I have to do this now: there’s cussing in the vid)

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