Driving into work this morning I heard on the radio that Jay Z and Beyonce’s daughter, Blue Ivy, recently eclipsed Stevie Wonder’s daughter Aisha as the youngest person ever featured on a single. I’m not sure whether this stat is actually true or not, but the revelation presented a great opportunity to give a shout out to all the fathers for whom our daughters are our muse….
I try to make a point of bringing Singing Biscuit a treat whenever I pick him up early from his 
after-school program. The reason for doing this is that I often remind him to get his homework done so that all we will have to do at home is a review, and I know he sometimes feels really bad if he does not manage to complete his homework. We have an hour & change commute home in the evenings and anything that keeps his spirits and blood sugar up during the nighttime routine is worthwhile investment.
Of late, I’ve been bringing him two slices from his favorite pizzeria. As I walked back to the car with his slices en route to picking him up, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. Here I am bringing the kid a treat for picking him up early.
Have I gone soft?
Is this bribery?
I don’t know what it is, but I will say this much, when I reached the car and the pizza’s aroma began filling up the air, I was way too tempted to down those slices myself…
If I were an anthropologists my area of study would undoubtedly be teenagers. Having 
lived with one for a little over a year now I am amazed by how fascinating the teenage species is. And while I bear some recollection of once being a teenager myself, I fear that my existence pales in comparison to that of my esteemed subject and co-habitant Teen Biscuit.
Of late, I have been mesmerized by the advanced logic of Teen Biscuit and his peers.
Case in point, on New Year’s Eve Teen Biscuit returned home sans his keys, which meant that I had to get out of bed and open the door for him. When Snuggle Biscuit woke up the next morning, she told me that Teen Biscuit had sent a text around 12am letting us know that he had been relieved of his jacket while at this party.
When Teen Biscuit woke up later that morning to give us the full details of his encounter we learned that he was not actually relieved jacked of his possessions, he in fact left them at the party. To be clear he left his coat which for some reason was bearing his keys, his wallet and his cell phone at the party.
To his credit, he did return after the party was over to search for it, only to discover someone had taken it home.
(Paraphrasing my former pastor, let me lean in a little closer here, the biscuit walked into a party, stuffed all his possessions in his coat, threw it in a room and went his merry way.)
Prior to my tenure co-habitating with a teenager I’d have thought it was impossible for someone to commit such an act. Now a year into this ethnographic study, I realize it is actually consistent with teenage behavior/logic.
You see according to Teen Biscuit, the act of putting all of one’s possessions in an item that was out of eyesight and then forgetting said item was not a flagrant offense. The offense was that someone had the audacity to take this item when there was no one left to claim it.
And you know what…he’s absolutely right, #sortofkindanot.
This song is a strange place to find inspiration for a section on this blog, but…
Clipse – Grindin by XlyS
Speaking of things that resonated, when I saw this poster during a recent trip to Target I 
was instantly struck. It is practically pitch perfect. Great copy-line and the photo was neatly captured the bond between a parent/father and child. I couldn’t help but take a picture so that I could keep it in the file to share with Turtle Biscuit one day.
So this morning I pull up in front of my office. Singing Biscuit had been eating a banana, and if you know anything about Singing Biscuit, he will ask a million questions and will keep on asking questions even if you think you’ve given him enough info to solve the problem.
So here is the scene, we are about 5 minutes early for his school bus and all this boy has to do is get out the car and finish half a banana:
Fo: (pointing to the passenger side of the car which is nearest the curb) Singing Biscuit, make sure you get out that side.
Singing Biscuit: Ok. But what do I do with my banana?
Fo: Take it with you.
Singing Biscuit: But I’m not finished.
Fo: I know. Take it with you and eat it on the bus.
Singing Biscuit: But we’re not allowed to eat on the bus
I’ve now noticed that my supervisor just got out his car and is walking his son onto the bus. Never one to be outdone, I unbuckle my seat-belt, so I too can walk this little biscuit to the bus…
Fo: Ok Singing Biscuit, take it with you and eat it as you walk. You can finish it before you get on the bus.
Singing Biscuit: But the bus will leave.
Fo: Singing Biscuit, it’s half a banana. Eat the thing and be done with it.
Singing Biscuit: But I can’t eat on the bus.
Fo: I know, which is why I said eat it before you board the bus.
Singing Biscuit: But where will I “pit” the peel when I am done?
Fo: In the garbage.
Singing Biscuit: But the bus will leave!
At this point we are out of the car and I am ready to rip into this little boy and damn near shove the last piece of the banana into his “got-damned” mouth to shut him up. I don’t care if he eats it anymore. I just want him to shut up.
[To clarify the distance he has to walk is about the distance between two baseball bases, and he has two bites left in this banana, if even that much…]
But just as I am about to light into his little million question asking behind. I look up and see the school’s president standing about 3 yards away away with his three young children. The kids are all running out the car. Zipping up their jackets, waiting for him to take their hands so they could all walk hand in hand. The President saw my Supervisor first and then me, so he’s looking at me & Singing Biscuit, waiting until I see him so we can acknowledge each other. i give him a wave. Put a smile on my face and place my hand on Singing Biscuit’s shoulder.
I don’t know if Singing Biscuit saw his life flash in front of his eyes or what, but he shut up. Took the peel off the banana. Handed it to me and I dropped it in the trash can in front of the bus, and he was off on his merry way with the rest of the kids.
Lord only Knows that if I didn’t catch my two bosses out the corner of my eye it was about to be ugly….
I have to realize that I am cheating my readers when I disappear during critical junctures. Since I last wrote I started a new job at a school in DC. The teaching from teaching at a college to teaching at a high school is a big enough transition in its own right, but when coupled with also transitioning from being a stay at home parent, the shift is staggering.
I miss Turtle Biscuit to say the least. Since I’ve started work she’s started crawling and sitting up on her own. A month ago I would’ve been the first person to see these transitions. Now, I’m often the last. It feels odd to get a summary of her day and her progress toward a new milestone instead of experiencing these things first hand.
There’s so much to say about this shift, and I intended on writing much of it down. However, in spite of my best intentions, I never completed the final installments in the Home Alone series nor did I put pen to paper about the feelings I had when I left Turtle Biscuit in the mornings to go to work.
All that I can say is that I will try to do better, but as I am learning in a whole new way these days, you can’t turn back time.